...eh. Might as well update.
Apr. 12th, 2004 11:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gullwhackerHa! I bet those of you who had me on your Friends list forgot you did, didn't you! This journal is definitely not alive. I'll go and poke it with a stick, though, to make sure.
I've got a fair amount of stuff on my chest. My problem is, that if I let certain things out in the open, everyone who knows me except for the half-dozen or so who already know will start pestering me with questions. Or not. I think most of the people I haven't told yet are less than enthusiastic about finding everything possible about my personal life.
And this, of course, means that what I'm alluding to is something![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
socksofjello already knows about. =P
...and of course, writing up to that point, I suddenly get stuck on how to continue. Figures, eh? Maybe I should just end the post right here.
Mind, this would result in many people pestering me a lot as to what I was talking about. And I get asked a lot of questions if I *do* spill the beans. I can't win. Unless I don't post this at all.
Sigh. I have someone who's...close to me. In real life, not online. Fellow anime fan - actually, she's one of the major reasons I started going to anime club. (The other two being my aunt for giving me a set of fansubbed Shadow Skill tapes, and my Music Theory teacher for leaving me bored enough on Saturday mornings to watch Digimon.)
She means quite a lot to me. And frankly I've turned into a bit of a lovesick goof over the last few months. Maybe more than a bit. Repeatedly listening to the Full Metal Panic Fumoffu opening probably didn't help much. Or maybe it did. *sigh* Total confusion reigns in my mind...
Oh quick poll. Anyone who saw this coming sooner than two paragraphs ago, raise your hand. I'm just curious as to how pitifully I was able to guard my words.
Hmm. The second I hit "Post Entry", all of the work I've gone through over the last half a year to keep this more or less hidden to people I know online will be scattered against the wind. Mind, I didn't do all *that* good a job in the first place. I can think of two or three people who were able to figure things out easily on their own. And keeping Jared in the dark wasn't exactly much of a victory. (No offense.)
Sigh. Maybe I'll put 'sighing' as my mood when this is done. We'll see. Half a year ago...confusion reigned in my mind, even more than it has been doing today. At the time, she was a good friend...and I was trying to figure out what was going on in my heart. I think I was able to figure out that I was in love after a week or two, after thinking a little too much about the lyrics to the song "Misty". Yay for books of piano sheet music.
I think she was able to figure my feelings out about a week before I did. I believe that says something about what my social skills are.
Hmm. I was initially worried, but now I'm on a roll. Might as well keep going.
So. I'd realized I was in love, and had absolutely no idea what to do next. Didn't really want to ask people I knew IRL - it seemed a bit awkward to talk about it with family, and the one friend I could think of who wasn't one of her friends too was in Europe at the time.
Insert another comment about social skills here. Make your own up!
So what was I to do? Online friends. Most of whom lived far enough away that they wouldn't be able to meddle personally. After a night of consideration, I decided to start by asking someone for advice who I half-considered a very bad choice.
Thanks again,fulmetaljackass. You were a great help.
After getting a lot of advice from Teucer, some advice from one or two other people, listening to the currently playing song several dozen times, and going through a few weeks of internal angst (which is honestly kind of boring), I managed to work up the courage to tell her.
It went well. We'll have been together five months as of this Thursday's exam. To the hour, almost. o.o
(Yes, whoever hadn't figured it out before this post - I managed to keep a secret for five months and a bit. Mwahaha.)
Things are going well. My reason for making this post was...well, it seemed a bit odd to be keeping a big part of my life hidden from good friends online this long. Plus, I can't really talk about anything related to this part of my life online without revealing it first. (Bleh. Grammar deteriorating.) And given that she's become an extremely large part of my life...
One of the things going through my mind at the beginning of all this was Socrates. Greek philosopher, wanted absolute definitions of everything. Defining happiness and love in words seems very difficult...I just know that I feel them. Mind, that statement nearly warrants said Greek philosopher rising from the grave and bludgeoning me about the head, but...
You know, it's been good to get this off my chest. I feel a bit freer in some ways. Free to talk about things in my life that were buried under this before.
For example.streetwind? Remember my bit of rage last week? The mix-up at work alone didn't drive it - it was the fact that said mix-up resulted in me being late to her birthday party. That should make things a bit clearer. =P
Sheesh. I've spent a while writing this. Sorry to everyone about the length. And thanks for your support,fulmetaljackass, timkedojeh, sadamemusouka, and everyone else who gave advice during those first few weeks. ^^ Without that help...I'm not entirely sure where I'd be right now. o.o
I'm definitely not much for social skills. How am I expected to understand other people when I can barely understand myself?...
Anyway. Thanks for reading. I'll now go Dormant, and let the comments pour in overnight. =P Night, all!
...save for one last thing. The lyrics to the song I'm listening to now, and listened to so often while worrying about love and all that.
Mikuni Shimokawa ; Sore Ga Ai Deshou [ tv edit ]
Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu
Romanji
Yasashisa wa tokidoki zan koku dakara
Motomeru hodo kotae wo miushinau
Ameagari no machi niji ga mierunara
Ima arukidasou nanika ga hajimaru
Kimi ga irukara, asu ga arukara
Hitorikiri ja ikite yukenaikara
Konna ni chikaku ni kanjiru sore ga aideshou
Namida no kazu mo itami mo kimi wa shitterukara
Sukitoorisouna me no naka ni tashika na imi wo sagashite
Egao mitsuketai.
English
Kindness can be cruel from time to time...
...so the more you seek after it, the more you lose the answer.
If you can see a rainbow in the city after a rain...
Let's start to walk; something is about to begin.
Because you are here, and there is tomorrow...
And I cannot live alone.
So this feeling of you being near me...that must be love.
You know of the number of tears I have shed, and pains I have gone through...
So let me search for a definite meaning in your clear eyes,
Because I want to find a smile.
And now I head off into the land of slumber, the tune of this song echoing through my head...
I've got a fair amount of stuff on my chest. My problem is, that if I let certain things out in the open, everyone who knows me except for the half-dozen or so who already know will start pestering me with questions. Or not. I think most of the people I haven't told yet are less than enthusiastic about finding everything possible about my personal life.
And this, of course, means that what I'm alluding to is something
socksofjello already knows about. =P...and of course, writing up to that point, I suddenly get stuck on how to continue. Figures, eh? Maybe I should just end the post right here.
Mind, this would result in many people pestering me a lot as to what I was talking about. And I get asked a lot of questions if I *do* spill the beans. I can't win. Unless I don't post this at all.
Sigh. I have someone who's...close to me. In real life, not online. Fellow anime fan - actually, she's one of the major reasons I started going to anime club. (The other two being my aunt for giving me a set of fansubbed Shadow Skill tapes, and my Music Theory teacher for leaving me bored enough on Saturday mornings to watch Digimon.)
She means quite a lot to me. And frankly I've turned into a bit of a lovesick goof over the last few months. Maybe more than a bit. Repeatedly listening to the Full Metal Panic Fumoffu opening probably didn't help much. Or maybe it did. *sigh* Total confusion reigns in my mind...
Oh quick poll. Anyone who saw this coming sooner than two paragraphs ago, raise your hand. I'm just curious as to how pitifully I was able to guard my words.
Hmm. The second I hit "Post Entry", all of the work I've gone through over the last half a year to keep this more or less hidden to people I know online will be scattered against the wind. Mind, I didn't do all *that* good a job in the first place. I can think of two or three people who were able to figure things out easily on their own. And keeping Jared in the dark wasn't exactly much of a victory. (No offense.)
Sigh. Maybe I'll put 'sighing' as my mood when this is done. We'll see. Half a year ago...confusion reigned in my mind, even more than it has been doing today. At the time, she was a good friend...and I was trying to figure out what was going on in my heart. I think I was able to figure out that I was in love after a week or two, after thinking a little too much about the lyrics to the song "Misty". Yay for books of piano sheet music.
I think she was able to figure my feelings out about a week before I did. I believe that says something about what my social skills are.
Hmm. I was initially worried, but now I'm on a roll. Might as well keep going.
So. I'd realized I was in love, and had absolutely no idea what to do next. Didn't really want to ask people I knew IRL - it seemed a bit awkward to talk about it with family, and the one friend I could think of who wasn't one of her friends too was in Europe at the time.
Insert another comment about social skills here. Make your own up!
So what was I to do? Online friends. Most of whom lived far enough away that they wouldn't be able to meddle personally. After a night of consideration, I decided to start by asking someone for advice who I half-considered a very bad choice.
Thanks again,
fulmetaljackass. You were a great help.After getting a lot of advice from Teucer, some advice from one or two other people, listening to the currently playing song several dozen times, and going through a few weeks of internal angst (which is honestly kind of boring), I managed to work up the courage to tell her.
It went well. We'll have been together five months as of this Thursday's exam. To the hour, almost. o.o
(Yes, whoever hadn't figured it out before this post - I managed to keep a secret for five months and a bit. Mwahaha.)
Things are going well. My reason for making this post was...well, it seemed a bit odd to be keeping a big part of my life hidden from good friends online this long. Plus, I can't really talk about anything related to this part of my life online without revealing it first. (Bleh. Grammar deteriorating.) And given that she's become an extremely large part of my life...
One of the things going through my mind at the beginning of all this was Socrates. Greek philosopher, wanted absolute definitions of everything. Defining happiness and love in words seems very difficult...I just know that I feel them. Mind, that statement nearly warrants said Greek philosopher rising from the grave and bludgeoning me about the head, but...
You know, it's been good to get this off my chest. I feel a bit freer in some ways. Free to talk about things in my life that were buried under this before.
For example.
streetwind? Remember my bit of rage last week? The mix-up at work alone didn't drive it - it was the fact that said mix-up resulted in me being late to her birthday party. That should make things a bit clearer. =PSheesh. I've spent a while writing this. Sorry to everyone about the length. And thanks for your support,
fulmetaljackass, timkedojeh, sadamemusouka, and everyone else who gave advice during those first few weeks. ^^ Without that help...I'm not entirely sure where I'd be right now. o.oI'm definitely not much for social skills. How am I expected to understand other people when I can barely understand myself?...
Anyway. Thanks for reading. I'll now go Dormant, and let the comments pour in overnight. =P Night, all!
...save for one last thing. The lyrics to the song I'm listening to now, and listened to so often while worrying about love and all that.
Mikuni Shimokawa ; Sore Ga Ai Deshou [ tv edit ]
Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu
Romanji
Yasashisa wa tokidoki zan koku dakara
Motomeru hodo kotae wo miushinau
Ameagari no machi niji ga mierunara
Ima arukidasou nanika ga hajimaru
Kimi ga irukara, asu ga arukara
Hitorikiri ja ikite yukenaikara
Konna ni chikaku ni kanjiru sore ga aideshou
Namida no kazu mo itami mo kimi wa shitterukara
Sukitoorisouna me no naka ni tashika na imi wo sagashite
Egao mitsuketai.
English
Kindness can be cruel from time to time...
...so the more you seek after it, the more you lose the answer.
If you can see a rainbow in the city after a rain...
Let's start to walk; something is about to begin.
Because you are here, and there is tomorrow...
And I cannot live alone.
So this feeling of you being near me...that must be love.
You know of the number of tears I have shed, and pains I have gone through...
So let me search for a definite meaning in your clear eyes,
Because I want to find a smile.
And now I head off into the land of slumber, the tune of this song echoing through my head...
Well... Finally! *grin*
Date: 2004-04-12 07:56 pm (UTC)Anyway man, you know what I said to you back then, and the same thing still stands. I think during the time that I've known you that I can honestly say that you're a very smart guy who will do the best that he can.
As for 'social skills' you're talking to a guy who has as many social skills as a cave man... literally.
Best wishes to Mr. and Mrs. Gullwhacker. *grin*
Yes, you have permission to hurt me IC tomorrow. *grins impishly*
~~Trey
Re: Well... Finally! *grin*
Date: 2004-04-13 08:14 pm (UTC)...I'm serious about the friends IRL. One of them makes Jess look restrained. And not restrained as in 'bondage'. Just a moment, I have to drop a TV on my hentai side for even considering that angle...*WHAM*
...now you see where the heavy stuff is going. And now that I've completely lost the train of conversation, I'll post the comment. Yay for post-midnight typing!